[Jordan~]

I'm chronically, terminally bored and terrified of aging, the combined effect of which is that I feel as if I'm being dragged along the road to the grave by the bus from Speed in slow motion.
I would really appreciate the ability to willingly fall into a coma at the moment, so I could spend a few months hooked up to machines dreaming about being a mother of three who's also a spy, wake up and spend the next couple of days catching up with the four or five things that have happened in my absence; though after the ninth or tenth time waking up and hearing that 'nothing much' had happened while I was gone I might be tempted to slip into a more permanent coma.
I'm going to be frozen alive when I'm 30. That way they can wake me up in the future and I can have forever to be young and waste time, or they can shoot me into the sun if it turns out that the future's as shit as the present.
I find myself spending my days more and more wondering how long it is till I can justifiably slump over my mattress, try to avoid thinking about anything significant or productive and wait for the sweet kiss of unconsciousness to release me from the relentless tedium and weltschmerz of waking life. That or getting angry at furniture and consumer electronics because I have a Job Centre appointment to suffer through.
I'm longing for Mossad to break through a window and break my thumbs or to wake up and find out that it's the '40s and I'm a 78 year old woman or some kind of natural disaster or anything to interrupt the punctual normality of this humdrum suburban hell where the only scanty refuge from the overbearing non-eventhood of it all comes in the form of a surprising meal or the BBC coughing up something worthy of attention.
In short, I've gotten bored of my games and run out of TV programs to cycle through.

[polliwog]

So, get a job on a merchant ship and travel the world, or join the Army and do dangerous things, or (fill in the blank).

[Jordan~]

I can't join the army for ethical reasons involving my commitment to not killing people. A merchant ship might be a good idea if only it were 1768 and some swarthy pirates in Tortuga needed a morale boost. At the moment I'm trying desperately to fill in that blank - apparently I don't even need to pretend there are no jobs, there actually aren't any. I might travel only I'm afraid that my parents, rightly having no confidence in my ability to look after myself, might try to make it comfortable and consequently any trip would consist of regimented 'fun' directed by enthusiastic, dreadlocked white graduates who would be unemployed if I wasn't. Really, I need to be dumped on another continent, preferably during my sleep, so that I can feel all panicky and alive. I'm hoping they discover a New New World so I can explore something without the aid of a bathysphere or a space program.

[milkisobel]

sweety, it seems that you crave for adventure with the lazyness of procrastinating. if you want something thrill, go one, but please, don't die into a ruined bus in Alaska, or don't eat plants you don't know.
friends of mine get a job as a sort of humanitary contract in Iceland, one year working with people, you earn european money, and you can discover an another place, sounds extra cool as my friends said.
if you want something more thrilling, take 500€, airplanes ticket and try to spend the most time you can in a country. One friend last 4months in India with 200€, an another one year in south america (from equator to argentina) with...nothing except airplanes ticket, she worked as fruit picking, trees nursery, making jewels, etc...
or you can stay home and write a comic book

[polliwog]

Or, go to France and help an aspiring filmmaker win her first Oscar.

[Jordan~]

I'll totally do that.

[polliwog]

When can I expect to see her walk down the red carpet? Try not to take too long...I am getting old here.

[Jordan~]

Right now I've only expressed an interest in collaboration. Our agents aren't actually in talks yet, but I'll keep you posted.

[milkisobel]

you know what? my agent flew away with my poor savings, and i'm still alone at home, with two broken cameras and my cat asleep on my script

i don't like red carpet pretty much, it doesn't fit very well with my skin tone...

go back to the second part of my manucure

[polliwog]

But, just think about this...you would have designers competing to see whose gown you would wear.

[milkisobel]

only if it's a victorian era related dress
nah seriously, ten years ago i believe that i'll be in Cannes one day, now i'm just praying to have the financial capacity to do 2 or 3 short movies.
i saw my productor, he came into Alsace to work into the Sherlock's prod, and i had immediatly anxiety. He's such a great productor and can't believe in my capacity to satisfy him.

and I felt so bad,
cause I didn't know how
to feel bad enough
to make him proud.

[ursulabear]

victorian era

[milkisobel]

i expected this reaction

[ursulabear]

It's raining. plans = ruined.

[queenofnerds]

I keep going back and reading this guys posts. I know it's wrong but I find him comforting, feel safe when I read, I like how smart he is I know I have to let go.


I'm a fool, a big flippin fool.

[milkisobel]

one word: delete

[queenofnerds]

Yes!!

[Jordan~]

I got stupidly drunk last night and lost my passport again. Haven't told my mum yet. Terrified to. Might as well have lost my parents' trust. ><

[polliwog]

Is there a different kind of drunk...than stupidly?

[Weirdelves]

Catatonically?