[Ann]

My grandma's craaaazy. She genuinely thinks Obama is a muslim and makes conspiracies about everything, including her theory that my step-dad tortures my dog -- because she's scared of him (she's scared of everyone but me). No way it's worth it. I just hate that a teenage girl has to deal with the results of her craziness.

[Gerritsón]

...but what to do with such people?

[Steve]

Hi Ann - I sympathise with your rage, and even moreso with what 'K' has had to put up with, both in relation to the initial abuse, and then to the ostracism by her family.

Personally, I don't do facebook & its ilk, and all I have heard about it is negative - it's a quick way to hurt someone's feelings, and since the person who hurts is hidden behind a screen, whilst the hurtful thing itself is out there for the world to see, it magnifies the impact upon the victim many times over.

So, while I think it's wonderful of you to offer whatever support you can practically give to 'K' (even if it's only a metaphorical shoulder to cry on), please don't do it on facebook! A telephone call, or even an old fashioned letter with a stamp on, to my mind, would be worth so much more.

As for 'K's dreadful situation - it's hard to see what, if any, solution exists for her. Having seen something vaguely similar in a family I am acquainted with, I know that every single person in the scenario - perpetrator, victim, and innocent bystander - are harmed by the process and the aftermath: in the case of the perpetrator, the ramifications for them are no more than they deserve (sadly, often a lot LESS than they deserve), but the others who simply need some love and support are often cast further out into the cold, where - as you have seen - they can easily fall prey to others on the periphery who seek to counteract the distress or lack of comprehension they are feeling by picking on someone who is already in such a bad place that they won't hit back.

Hopefully in the US, 25 years will MEAN exactly that, so that Troy won't ever be in a position to abuse 'K' again. From what you have said, there is no reason to disbelieve 'K's full allegation, but even if there were, I am sure you agree that it matters very little whether she was actually raped in the strict legal definition or not. And if you can see it, it simply adds to your sense of frustration that others - who should have her well-being at heart - either cannot, or choose not to. (And that, too, embodies a sense of "banging ones little fist against the walls of a castle" that is all too prevalent today: we see politicians and prominent people of all sorts saying things that are patently wrong, yet so often it is these people, these malformed opinions, that widely influence the way that 'the public' think. Injustice + helplessness = impotent rage).

I am so sorry that there seems to be no solution to this. All I can offer, as others have, is a modicum of support that the sentiments you are experiencing are the appropriate ones, and that 'K' is at least lucky to have one caring person who is thinking about her and wishing her well.

[ursulabear]

In such a shitty situation, how does anybody win? That is just terrible for everyone.

[Adam]

Surely the simple solution would be for K and L to block the bullies? If they are in foster homes then it wouldn't directly have any negative consequences for either of them, as I see it. That's the policy I keep on my Facebook profile.

[Ann]

[Ann]

jdshfkjds

Am I wrong here?

I talk to my husband on Facebook chat all the time since he gets no phone service where he's at. As a result, I'm not the most careful when typing. We talk a lot. All day on the weekends. I type very quickly and frequently the forms of words come out wrong. Even though I know very well the proper form fo your/you're (and I find it frustrating when people don't) occasionally, when I'm typing very quickly, the wrong one comes out. I don't know if this happens to everyone, but it's the same with other homophones. A few minutes ago I typed "since" when I meant "sense". Let me reiterate that I know these words very well. On any test, or anything where I'm typing thoughtfully, that mistake would not be made. Timothy feels the need to point these mistakes out every time and makes jokes about how depressed he is that I can't spell. I've always been a better speller than he is when it comes to actually knowing the spelling of words. My problems are only when I'm typing fast and the wrong form comes out. I don't proofread my IMs. He knows what I mean. But he corrects me all the time. In the middle of a conversation, he just goes on about how I wrote the wrong word. Finally I told him to just stop correcting me, it's pointless. He's not teaching me anything as I know the proper form, but I think it's silly to expect me to type slower and more deliberately and proofread my IMs just so he won't correct me. He said he finds my misspellings annoying and so if I'm going to type quickly to "just not talk to him." Really? So I either need to type slowly and deliberately with my husband on Facebook chat, or not talk to him at all. Those are the two options? Does that make sense to anyone else?

[Gerritsón]

Well, he finds those mistakes more annoying then you'd think I guess... otherwise he wouldn't take the time to correct those, would he?

[Jordan~]

That does seem pretty weird and unreasonable. I guess you could say you'll try to make fewer typos if he tries not to be so bothered by them?

[Ann]

Ugh, pretty sure it's just the stress of everything going on getting to him. We rarely ever to talk, he despises most of the people he's around (in the army...) and every day questions why he's even there. Emotional freak out I guess.

Feel like I've been posting too much in this thread lately. My life doesn't feel very pleasant right now.

[Steve]

I agree with you, Ann (congrats on your new capital, by the way) ... it does seem a bit unreasonable, and I can totally identify with your lapses, as I do exactly the same - to my own annoyance - even though in general I think I'm fairly proficient in English. Actually, I am glad to posted this, because at dark times I had wondered if typing your / it's / to for you're / its / too was the start of some kind of mental deterioration. (I have even occasionally made the pre-school error of typing a b for a d!)

I am sure that it makes you feel awful when you find time to speak with each other, and he wastes valuable seconds on correcting these slips. I think I'd be the same as you - saying all that's on your mind in the time available is preferable to limiting the conversational flow (if there can ever be one, in the medium in which you are forced to hold your discourse) in order to proof-read every comment before hitting SEND.

The only way to look at it is, that your husband is probably really bored and fed up with his situation at the moment, and is denied much chance of edifying conversation, because he is surrounded by a by bad grammar / false arguments / rather dull people (in both senses of the word) all day. He can look around at this intellectual wasteland and proudly whisper to himself that at least he is married to someone who knows better. I'd suggest it's just that your unintentional slips put a tiny smudge on that crystal of light in his heart, and that he finds it just a little frustrating. I am certain that he appreciates far more about you than simply your good English, so - keep talking with him!

[Ann]

Hahaha, he married me for my grammar skills. I was worried it was a sign of mental deterioration too! I mean, does it happen to anyone else often? I have no doubt in my ability to spell, and it only happens with homophones when I'm typing very quickly. To me, that seems to mean that my brain is reaching the knowledge of how to spell a word through how it sounds, and when typing really quickly, simply forgoes any sort of extra categorization based on the meaning of the word to save time. I stopped being worried about it, really.

(And oh my goodness, I've never ever had that b - d issue before, but Skaeya, the girl I tutor, has serious issues with it. I'd never even considered that one might. And now, within the last month or so, I've actually had to hesitate before writing a b or d to ensure I'm going to write the correct one. Not for long, and I've never done it while writing out a word ... but it worries me! Maybe my brain is breaking from chronic insomnia.)

[Weirdelves]

Hmm:

I'm really ill, I have bad flu or something.

A friend spilt wine over my laptop so now I have no working computer to do my blog / lesson preparations, and will soon have to shell out a huge amount of money I don't have to get it fixed.

My parents are going through a really rough patch and talking about separation, and I'm in Paris so can't be there to support anyone.

I got arrested on Sunday night which was pretty horrible.

I'm seeing this new guy but building up feelings for him is starting to create conflicting thoughts about my last boyfriend, who I still miss so much. It's been a year and a half since he died.

I'm quickly running out of money here in Paris and may need to go looking for a third job.

It's a pretty shitty week. And seriously, I'm so ill.

[Riv]

Aw, Tom, I'm sorry your week's been shitty. I hope it improves sometime soon. Also, I hope you're recovering from your flu!

[ursulabear]

That sucks Tom. Seriously. Hugs.

[dwaink]

arrested?
do tell?
dwain

[Weirdelves]

just possession, nothing serious

[Ann]

Sorry, dear. Hoping when you begin to feel physically better, the other stuff will seem a bit easier to handle.

[Gerritsón]

yeah Tom, get well soon

[queenofnerds]

Aww that sucks Tom, feel better soon.



As for me do you ever get the feeling that a cardboard cutout of you would suffice? I am such a non entity and people feel sorry for me because I kinda suck. But they shouldn't cos they just don't value the same things as me. I'm not looking down on them I'm just saying I understand that I am different.